If My Blog Could

Write me a letter it probably wouldn't be a very nice one. It would have words that involve neglect and unloved in it. Though I personally have not meant to do those things, I have! So here is my apology. I am so sorry for the lack of attention that you have gotten lately. However, I am sure there will be more times in the future where I will slip.

Sincerely,

A wanna be blog writer


Now, that I have THAT off my chest we can move forward. So where have I been? Everywhere, no where, somewhere and well here! The last 2 months have flown by so quickly that I have to really stop and think about where all the time has gone. We(book club) finished One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and An Invisible Thread by Laura Schroff. I LOVE book club! We all have different opinions and are able to bring them to the table with respect for each other. This group has really helped me step into some roles that before I would not have considered. I thank them for loving me! Our latest, greatest challenge and I do mean CHALLENGE is 31 Days to Clean(having a Martha house the Mary way). Oh ladies, it is waaayyyy more than "just" cleaning. It will be interesting what is "uncovered" in the next month or so.

Our lil man finished his first year at his new preschool here in Austin. He really enjoyed his year! He made good friends that we have had a few play dates with them already this summer! I know I mentioned before that he turned 4 but I never posted about his birthday gathering. It was just us! GrandParents became ill that weekend and we had only invited a few friends. Two of his friends were from the neighborhood who moved away on the same day as his party. Bummer! The other two we invited were from out of town so we told them we would catch up on another weekend. Part of me felt bad but it was just an unusual set of circumstances that were out of my hands. One lesson learned is whether we have many friends or just us as a family, he stilled enjoyed himself. It saved my pocket book for sure!

Son calls this his Dirt Digger Cake or better known as The Construction Site Cake 

Another lesson I learned was about his gluten free cake or at least the baking process. I need to double the recipe for a height purposes. It was not as thick as I needed for this particular theme but it was still very good! 

Then we celebrated Easter! This year we had time to decorate our own eggs. It was a lot of fun! 

Of course it  was all about Spider-man. I am not sure what made him latch on to Spider-man but he did. I think it may be the cool colors and mask!


Stay tuned for more updates and hopefully it will be sooner than later. I pray all is well in y'all's precious homes.

lots of love

A Basket Full

Lately, I have had a basket full but not full of things that are good for my soul. Many of you know I have been through a lot these past several years and maybe you are thinking, "so what? big deal! don't we all have a plate full and still have to handle things?" Or maybe you are thinking,"what is so special about your stuff?" Well, its not special! Honestly, my situation isn't bigger than yours or what you are going through. The difference is you have YOURS and I have MINE. Duh! Yes, I know I am stating the obvious. What isn't so obvious is how our hearts & spirits are doing during the process. Maybe one can tell by some one's mood what their "emotional temp" is for the day but do we really know what is in one's heart. I have to share with you that for me to say I need space is huge. Yes, I need my daily dose of quiet time however, space, that is different. My personality typically does not require this much space but my spirit has required it. My soul has been extra quiet. My mind still races. Some nights I sleep and others I do not. I know many of you reading this probably have whispered the words "is she depressed?" Hummm, good question. My together self would say no. My messy self would say not depressed but a little sad. Sad for reasons I can't even find or let alone grasp the words to articulate what I feel or think. I have had good days and I have had some really bad days. Days where the thought of doing the dishes is monstrous to me. Oh they still get done. Then I have days where not only do I get the dishes done but I cook a full meal and have a craft hanging from my frig. Of course my craft consist of watercolors or paint or crayons. Nothing that would capture the alluring eyes of pinterest. To be more vulnerable I have felt like a failure. Feeling as if I am failing everything around me. House blessings(chores), hubby time, child time, bible study, weight loss, exercise, church activities and well you name it, add it to the growing list. Then I was on the phone with a very good & wise woman who said " do not compare yourself to others!" Ouch! She is so right. I was. Then after our heart felt talk about life it hit me. I was allowing Satan to attack me. Did you read that? Allow! I was leaving myself open to believing his lies instead of resting in truth. Do I still struggle with all of those life situations of juggling them? Yes! I was leaving myself unarmed on a daily basis! Wide open for sin to creep in and let Satan do his dirty work on me. For me right now it is one day at a time. One step forward of picking one thing on that list that I struggle with to conquer. Exercise is the one thing I can get right. Being with the Lord is another that I will always "get right." It may not be an hour of studying the bible. It may be 15 minutes but that is okay. They just need to be 15 minutes worth of filling my basket full so I am armed for the day.

Speaking of baskets I love my basket in the first picture. I have had it since we got engaged. I fill it with magazines, books I love to read, bibles that comfort me and journals that I long to fill(haha). I know many of us have a "go to" place where we gather with the Lord for our daily walk. I have a bookcase full of many books to assist me or challenge me. Like in this one.

(I left it in its purest form. a little messy)

Then I have this chair and side table I love to rest in. It is the same chair I rocked my baby, nursed him and read many wonderful stories. Sometimes, I am just quiet with my fresh cup of coffee rocking away in my chair. Then the Lord gives me a word of Hope for the day or a quiet whisper of Encouragement to continue on.

I don't know where you are with your walk with the Lord. I also don't know what you are filling your basket full of. I pray no matter how hard the day or even easy it can be that You are really looking to HIM for truth. Truth to set you free. Truth that gives anchor to your soul and quietens your mind. Truth that carries you through the day, prepared to fight. Truth that pricks at you to challenge you to do better in HIS eyes not yours or your peers or the world. Truth that makes you ponder on the Lord and where HE wants you to be in the moment.

Here was the TRUTH spoken to me today.....

Psalms 103:1-4

BLESS the Lord, O my soul

And all that is within me, bless His holy name

Bless the Lord, O my soul

And forget none of his benefits

Who pardons all your iniquities

Who heals all your diseases

Who redeems your life from the pit

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion

Who satisfy your years with good things

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

Go fill your basket my friend....

No Joke!

He's 4!!!!!!!!!

at 4 mths old

Through the years(sniff sniff) I have tried to take many photos of him in this chair. It is fun to look back through them to see how much he has grown. Funny at 4 mths he barely fits the length of the chair and at 4 yrs old he is almost bigger than the chair! Children grow so fast! That is the part of motherhood no one really tells you about. If they do, most of us were NOT listening. A wise woman once said " the days are long but the years are short!" This is so true! Below I tried to post the pictures that were exactly on his birthday or within one to two days of it. I came very close. So Happy Birthday to my very active, creative, fun-loving and tender boy!

4 mths old

5 mths old(my fav outfit)

1 yr old

2 yrs old

3 yrs old

My 4 wishes for you my sweet boy...

I wish for you JOY

I hope you learn to LOVE

I pray you Know GOD

and embrace WISDOM

I love you the most-est...

~mom~

Grief

It has no concept of time. No one can tell you how to grieve or how long it will take. One minute you are about your day and the next you check your mail only to get a letter from the VA expressing their deepest sympathy on the loss of your father.

For those of you who do not know me locally my father passed away on March 20, 2012, at 1:41 am. He lost the battle to cancer but won the eternal prize of entering Heaven's Gate. I honeslty can't describe how I feel or even start to express it. It is just a strange feeling. One day they are here and the next gone. Some of us are given a warning and others it happens very quickly. So quickly that you really have no time to get things in order. Some days you cry others you laugh and sometimes you feel both emotions together.

For today, for now just grateful for one last face to face visit with my dad. Blessed to watch my brother care for our dad in a way you can't describe. Honored to be able to see my extended family.

For some reason this song keeps entering my head...

Spring!

Okay, maybe it isn't officially Spring but I have the fever. Do you? I am wanting to do things that are Spring-y! Ha!

so....I made this

This is how I did it!

straw wreath and you don't have to remove the plastic!

pick your flower in all different colors

I pulled off the stems to each flower. Then I glued them to the wreath. I did have an order of how the colors should line up but it still did not balance out as well as I wanted it to.

glue gun

thick ribbon any color of your choosing and you don't have to cut!

Once I finished gluing all the flowers on, I just tied the ribbon to the hanger on the door. This is easier than figuring out how much or how long to cut the ribbon.

My Spring Wreath

what it looks like on another door

I priced this type of wreath at stores such as Michael's, Hobby Lobby and Garden Ridge. The lowest price I saw it for was $35. If you waited for a coupon then maybe just maybe you could get it half of that. However, the ones priced at $35 were much smaller than mine. This project cost me well under $20. Now, I really could have saved money if I was paying attention to the ads that week because one of the competitors had marked their flowers down over 50% off. I only got a 40% off discount. So, could have been closer to the $12 price range. The fun part of making your own is you can do whatever you want! So, I challenge you to get out and do a simple project such as mine. My son also helped me in this project!

"It does not have to be perfect to be homemade!"

Hannah Years

Yes that is really her house in the back ground...;0)

I Samuel 20:42

"Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God's name, saying "God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!"

I knew God had a sense of humor when HE put Mel in my life. From the looks of it you would probably think we have nothing in common. If you just judge from the outside, you would be right.

She is thin & well I am not

Her jean size is a single digit and well mine is not

She is well put together in all aspects of her life and I am a little more spontaneous

Her house is decorated as if it jumped out of a magazine and mine is lived in or some call it comfortable ;0)

She carefully plans events & creatively pulls things together & I wing it!

She knows fashion. the latest jeans, cutest shoes and jewelry. I buy what I like or hang on to it for decades.

Don't even get me started on her well to do hair. Perfect in every way! Me, well I have natural curly hair and it can be a mess. I start out good in the morning and by the end of the day it looks completely different.

She is quiet, reserved and thinks before she speaks. I'm full of joy & laugh a lot and loudly.

If you were to put our lists side by side you would think they have "nothing" in common. If you only judge us by the outside you would be right!

Several years ago God was cultivating both our hearts for a very rough patch in our lives. I had no idea we would endure the same pain BUT GOD knew. We both struggled with infertility. The pain of wanting to be a mom so bad is where the chord between us is very strong! I could tell you every detail but that is not the point for today nor is the pain of living through infertility. We both faced the daunting grip of Satan's attack on our life. The outcome for both of us had different endings but the journey was still long.

Six years ago we stood before a group of women on a retreat at a bonfire throwing our plead for motherhood before them and God. That night we had already endured 5-6 years of our journey. Fast forward to the present, 2012 at another bonfire with a group of women on a retreat. We both stood there this past weekend as mother's of one child each. She has a girl and I a boy(I bet you would've guessed that much). This past weekend we had the opportunity to discuss the journey we took. After a lengthy, much needed conversation we both realized it took 7 years for God to bring our prayers to fruition. We like to call them our "Hannah years." Over the weekend several questions were given to us to ponder and answer in our small groups. One question was "who has been your Ruth or Naomi in your life?" (if you don't know the story then I would encourage you to go the book of Ruth in the bible. it is in the old testament). My sweet friend spoke up and mentioned me. I was so humbled by her sweet words and the tenderness in her voice. I too feel the same about her.

If God had come to me 10 years ago and said "you will be faced with this" and said he had hand picked her to walk by my side. Honestly, I would have laughed. It is not based on looks or style of life or stuff such as that. I just think sometimes we limit or discount which people can add to our life. I am at fault many times for this. I believe we think we have to be "in common" with folks in order to benefit or allow our pain to be revealed for God to work through it. We(me) at times can put "qualifications" on whom is to help us or give us wisdom during a dark time in our life. You never know whom God will put before you and how that person will be used for the Kingdom. Maybe it is an elderly person or a child or a teenager. It could be the woman whom seems to have nothing that ends up giving you everything. It could be the neighbor whose life is a mess yet God uses them and their gifts to reach you. In return God uses you to show them Christ.

Limiting has a 2 way street. We can limit those around us or limit ourselves. This limiting really means "preventing the Holy Spirit" to work on both sides. We call it quenching the Spirit. I too am at fault for this as well.

Limiting myself looks like this...I am not worthy

I am not enough.

I don't know how to.....

That is the problem...I & ME. When I say "God can and will, this removes the "self" out of the way. I am not sure why we must measure ourselves against the tasks before us. Maybe we believe or feel we must be fully equipped before we commit. Then where or how would God be glorified? His power is revealed in the helpless. His strength is shown in the weak. He is glorified in the ones who say "Here I am send me" even though they are not equipped. He will equip you for the job or task. You just have to be willing to to do & go!

Be Jesus

Do as HE instructs

Go where HE sends you

So I ask you...Have you been limiting the Holy Spirit to do good work?

Have you been comparing your "qualifications" to the task as to

whether you will do it?

Where are you being called to serve and whom?

Let God be your measuring stick and He will always line you up correctly. This does not mean we won't make mistakes. It just means He will provide the material to do the job.

Plus you never know what the outcome will be

Mel Bel if you are reading this..I love you and thank you for many years of love, prayer and guidance. I am better for knowing you!

I Heart...

this sweet boy....

The smirk says it all

I hope you are enjoying this day full of LOVE. More importantly I pray you know the Master's LOVE.

For Valentine's and future ones to come, I would like to talk about something that has been brewing in my head for some time. I want to raise a gentleman. One who respects all people and is loving. Lately, one thought brewing in my head is this whole Hallmark Holiday Valentine Craziness. I want to take it down about 20 notches! Trust ME I love it! I love the flowers, chocolates and gifts! However, my son may not marry someday and I have had to turn my wheels a bit. Do I wish for him to be married? You betcha. If it is out of God's plan? No way! I really want my son to understand that Valentine's Day can be celebrated in a different way by serving people. I am NOT saying you have to be married or with someone to celebrate it. I just want to make sure we at this house are celebrating LOVE period. LOVE comes in all forms and requires us to open our eyes.

Taking our neighbor to lunch who is without family & a job

Baking cookies for a man who is struggling since his wife left him

Making a card for an elderly person who is lonely & visiting them

Inviting a friend over for dinner who does not live in a Christian home

Choosing some of our toys to take to the Children's home and play with them

Picking a few of our clothes to bring to a home whose father & mother have been without a job for years and struggle to clothe their child

Things like that. Yes, I want it to go beyond Valentine's Day. For I want it to be every day about Christ. Whether with our words, hands or feet. May it all be for the sake of the call.

A side note...one tradition I am instilling here at our house is my son gets to pick the fancy menu for Valentine's and gets to help cook it. He sets the dining room table with the nice dishes and napkins. This is actual something we have been trying to do this year. To sit at the formal table 3 times a week with a nice meal. No toys! No phones! Just family time. I pray that you are having a wonderful day.